Tabitha Cato: The Case of the Disappearing Deer

Tabitha Cato (pronounced Ca-toe, never say Cat-o unless you want to get scratched) is the world’s foremost feline detective.  She can squeeze into tight spaces, always lands on her feet, and has survived so many scrapes that people say she has nine lives.  Yet with her deep green eyes and gentle purr, she can distract any Tom from his catnip mouse.

She is the ultimate link between the human and animal worlds, often tackling problems that human detectives won’t touch.  And Tabitha has just received another case.

It seemed that Joseph Buck was concerned about the safety of his stepdaughter, Bambi Venison.  Bambi and some of her doe friends were planning an evening at The Deer Shack. 

While Bambi’s friends, Candy Vixen and Zoe Dearborn, claimed The Deer Shack was just a place to relax and enjoy cervid congeniality, Joseph wasn’t so sure, so he called on Tabitha.

“I’ve heard some bad things about The Deer Shack, especially from my friend Mr. Fox.”

Tabitha couldn’t resist, so she asked with a smirk, “Oh, so what did the Fox say?”

Joseph scowled.  “That’s the problem, he just made some incoherent noises which I couldn’t understand while he danced around.  I was totally confused; that’s why I’m here.”

Tabitha turned her head so Joseph wouldn’t catch her laugh.  Regaining her composure, she promised to investigate.

True to her words, Tabitha scoured the internet looking for information on the mysterious Deer Shack.  She came up empty.  There were no Yelp reviews or any references on the restaurant and entertainment websites she searched.  The only information she was able to find was a vague rumor that the Doe siblings, John and Jane, had reportedly gone there last week and disappeared.  Tabitha discounted that, as the Doe twins were rumored to have been everywhere, yet no one could ever remember what they looked like.

Frustrated, Tabitha decided she needed to have a look in person.  She needed to go in disguise, so reluctantly, she took off her waistcoat and hat before heading out. 

As she trotted toward the establishment, a red light startled her.  Had she made a wrong turn and ended up in the seamier side of town?  No, it was just her friend Rudy and his girlfriend Claire.  Rudy worked in deliveries and was always busy during the Christmas season, but now that the holiday season was over, she was glad her friend finally had some time to relax.  Rudy and Claire were very much in love.   Tabitha admired the way Rudy nuzzled Claire his antlers and the way their hoofs touched as they walked together.

She hated not wearing her familiar clothes, but dressing down always fooled the humans, and this time was no exception.  As she walked towards the door on all fours, the guard glanced at her briefly.  Tabitha gave him a meek look and pranced off, pretending to chase a mouse. 

“Ahh, good kitty,” murmured the guard.

Ugh, how humiliating.  But at least she was in.

Tabitha got an uneasy feeling in her stomach as she explored the building further.  She expected to find bins full of corn and salt licks on a stick, perhaps an album or two by Deerhunter, but she found none of that.  Instead, she found herself in a house of horrors, with rows and rows of headless carcasses.  She realized that “dressing a deer” was different than getting ready for the prom. 

The site was making her sick.

Her stomach twisting, Tabitha coughed up a good-sized hairball, not even bothering to hide it in a corner.  Woe to the human who walked in, not paying attention to their footing.

Quickly pulling out her cell phone, Tabitha documented all the nasty business and then headed for the exit.  There, she encountered the same guard.  She hoped he would ignore her, as most humans did, but much to her dismay he focused directly on her as she entered the room.

“Oh look, it’s the little pussy cat.  Here pussy, pussy.”

What?  She hated being called that.  Was this guy trying to piss her off?

Tabitha flattened her ears as her hackles rose.  She emitted a soft warning growl.

“Oh, is the kitty upset?  Didn’t you catch your mousie little pussy?”

Is this guy an idiot?

Tabitha had had enough.  With a hell-raising yowl, she leaped at the guard, claws swirling like a buzz saw.  It was over in a few seconds, with the guard beating a hasty retreat, leaving a satisfying pool of blood on the floor.

All hell broke loose after Tabitha reported her findings to Joseph Buck.  Not only was Bambi Venison grounded, but she was also given a long lecture on what to look for when choosing friends, intelligence being one of the key qualities.

Once the story broke, PETA became involved, and a picket line was established around The Deer Shack.  Celebrities from around the world appeared, including Wilburt and his friend Scarlett, whose web of stories entertained everyone.   The rap star Little Piglet and his friend Big Winnie visited from England, adding an international flavor to the protest.

Miss Piggleston hosted a benefit concert that attracted top bands, including the Screaming Eagles, Annoying Monkeys, and Silent Leopards. 

It wasn’t long until The Deer Shack was nothing more than an unpleasant memory.

Case closed. Tabitha returned home and donned her familiar waistcoat before carefully pulling her hat over her ears.  She stretched out on the sofa, drenched in sunlight, took a generous pinch of catnip, and closed her eyes; another job well done.